Where do I even begin with this one?
It’s been a tumultuous period of time. I was going to say for us, and I do still mean us, but when I say us, I mean the 4 of us. Not just me and Amar. We’ve all been getting asked questions, some assumptions. Shreya’s been on the frontline of some questions too about when her brother will be starting school, and of course those questions are then fired back at us.
I started thinking about this blog post a few weeks ago and it probably would have been more timely back then as the school term started and there was all those photos of children starting school. I was one of those parents that shared a candid photo of my little girl going ‘back to school’. It’s just this time it was supposed to be both my children in school uniforms, I was supposed to have 2 in school. Off my hands, in full time education, over to you school…As with anything these past few years I’ve come to realise that there’s no such thing as a sense of security of what should and could be.
Our decision to defer Sajjan’s school year to next September was a decision that we did not glaze over. Not one day. Once we had made our decision, it still didn’t mean a thing, it was still a decision to be wrestled over by school governors, a head of a school, a deputy head… because there is divided opinions on what age children should start school. Some of us will say 4 is too young to be in a classroom, others will say it’s a natural step after nursery or preschool. Scandinavian countries won’t entertain the idea of school until children are aged 7. I would imagine there to be no right or wrong here.
Being a parent is quite honestly the most toughest job in the world and it gets harder, much harder. We felt a surge of emotions in the build up to school starting. It’s easy to write about now as we’ve processed, we’ve observed, and we’ve agreed that those feelings were naturally going to arise for us. Nobody wants to hold their child back unduly, it’s not me being selfish, it’s not even about my needs at all actually. It’s about Sajjan!
It’s about him being ready to make that transition with all his challenges that he will face and it’s about giving him time. To say I have been able to give him more of my time makes me feel so grateful, I know this time next year all 4 of us will be in a completely different space, so the fact that I can hold onto my little boy for those extra few months, because that’s all they are (a mere few months) gives me such comfort!
Amazing things are taught in classrooms (I’ve witnessed it first hand with Shreya), but those classrooms will be there for years. Right now Sajjan’s enjoying being cheeky at nursery, he’s learning about himself every day and that for me is growth. His relationships with his friends and the staff that are so connected with him, his slightly relaxed routine, are all reasons for him to not just stay where he was (because that’s unfair to say) but to stay where he will develop into my little school boy that will no longer be my baby at nursery.